Powerful questions to help you get clarity

Just saw a quote by Einstein which said: 'the important thing is not to stop questioning'

It is important though to ask the right kind of questions though!
Open ones rather than closed ones- i.e: ones that don't just have a yes or no answer.
Also I usually say don't ask questions starting with why, because we often don't know why (especially children) and even knowing why may not solve the issue.

I have noticed that when I am asked: 'why did you ....',  I immediately feel attacked, it feels like I have done something wrong and I need to justify my actions.  Being asked why I left the drawer open again, will just make me respond because I hadn't finished and was going to put the thing back I got out of there. This does not help the person who asked the question feel any better about it, nor does it help me change the behaviour that is obviously irritating the other person. By this time we are both defending our own position and an argument may arise.

If the person asked themselves what is it about the drawer being left open that irritates me, then they might find out they feel it is dangerous. Then they could say they would feel safer and more comfortable if I shut the drawer even if I am coming back later. This then doesn't sound like an attack and I am much more likely to respond favourably to the request.

Questions beginning with where, when, how, what will give you a much better idea of what is going on in the other person.
For example:
how does.. affect... what you do
how often does this occur,
when does such and such. occur,
what makes .....happen.

Here are some questions I ask clients that might help you understand more about what is affecting the way you feel.

When does it happen?
When is it worse?
When is it better?
How long have you felt this?
When did you first experience this?
What is it you would like instead?
Where were you when you first felt that way?
What helped you then?
Can you use that now?
If not then what else could help you?
What might stop you from doing that?
How can you overcome that?

Well I hope that just going through these questions has already helped you and if you want more then let me know, you don't have to struggle on your own, face to face or skype sessions are available, .

Hayfever - help the natural way!

Here are things I have learned about hayfever which have helped me and I am now mostly symptom free.

 

I developed hay fever symptoms after getting Hep B vaccine (I had to have it to work as a carer) I was so bad it even kept me in bed.  Homeopathy helped a lot by getting rid of the side effects of the vaccine first then I got given a remedy specific to me. I still had to use most of the tips below to really clear it.

 

Watch you food: cow's milk and cheese are catarrh forming so cut them as much you can, (watch out for those tempting ice creams on sunny days! make some lollies from fruit smoothies instead (much better for your immune system too) You can use rice, almond, hazelnut oat milk which are now widely available in supermarkets. Wheat and soya can be problematic too so reduce these. 

If you have some nettle tea, make up a strong tea, as it helps has anti-histamine properties and you can or add a little lemon juice (cleansing) and honey (local if possible) and drink it. You can use young nettles in cooking - great for soup - (very similar to spinach)- remember to use rubber gloves to prepare them.

Avoid the caffeine, alcohol  and refined sugars as they trigger histamine release.

For the sore, itchy throat, here is what I do: A cup of hot apple juice (made with concentrated apple juice from my local health food store) with 1/2 a tea spoon of my spice mixture (This is pre mixed in a spice jar ready for use- 1ts of ground ginger, 1 of ground clove and 2 of ground cinnamon mix ready for use) stir and cuddle up somewhere comfy and rest.

To help balance the immune system: take Echinaforce (echinacea in liquid form from A.Vogel) especially if you are prone to colds and flue the rest of the year.  Bee propolis is good to take.

If it goes to your chest and you are coughing then you can also take Ivy thyme complex from the same company) Also read my earlier blog on clearing catarrh

For the runny nose you can take Luffa Complex by the same company.

All 3 can be taken with water together if necessary.

For the itchy eyes you can bathe them (with a clean egg cup if you don't have an eye bath)with cooled boiled water with a little bicarbonate soda added. Luffa complex mentioned above is also helpful for itchy eyes.

Read more on hayfever.

To tackle the root cause of the imbalance, you may want to consider what is irritating/ stressing you. You may find it is something you can't do much about (having to care for elderly parents, a situation at work) but you can still reduce the pressure you feel by checking in with yourself to see what would help ease this and do you best to state your needs clearly. (Make sure it is YOUR need, not what you want others to do, it is up to them how they respond to your need for example, I need to feel more supported- I need to rest -have a holiday...not I need you to cook dinner for me, do more round the house....- for more help with this find out about Marshall Rosenberg's Non Violent Communication or NVC)

Even if there is nothing you can do to change the situation, you can change how you view/perceive it. We often feel stressed because we feel out of control. In fact if you think about the situation you will realise that you are choosing to be there for some reason, often because not being there seems worse - putting parents into a care home , being out of work for example. By accepting that you have some choice in the matter can reduce your stress levels.

You might find having a good scream in a pillow and beating it (or beat the punch bag at the gym while thinking of your stressful situation) can help you release that frustration - better out than in.

If this isn't enough to create a shift then EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing- helps to reframe your situation and give you perspective. You can also watch these videos of how EMDR works on my channel playlist . 

Your body is letting you know something is out of balance so take more time to listen to it. We often spend too much time doing, not enough time being, resting, contemplating our achievements or just being grateful.  Allow yourself to be! Read more about stress and its effects

If none of this has helped, alternative therapies for you to consider are Homoeopathy, Acupuncture, Kinesiology or BodyTalk

I hope these help and please share what works for you and let me know if you would like to use EMDR to reduce your stress levels.

5 habits to help or hinder you!

 I have just read an article about the 5 habits that cause depression 

1) Waiting for pity from others and feel sorry for yourself 
2)The habit of doing unpleasant things 
3)The habit of living in the past
4) The habit to compare yourself with others 
5) The habit to consider yourself worse than others

You can replace them with the 5 good habits for well-being: 

1) Cut down on coffee, tea, alcohol, chocolate and smoking as they suppress what you are really feeling and means you don't tackle the real issues that are causing  problems.
2) Eat less carbohydrates (white processed foods), have a min 12 gr protein per meal lots of veg and nothing other than water between meals.
3) Take some form of exercise every day-15min bike ride to work or a brisk walk at lunch time walk up the stairs every time rather than take an elevator will do.
4) Once a week have 90min just for yourself -a soak in the bath, read a book, go to a dance, yoga or pilates class, take time to meditate or fully relax (for help with this you could listen to my relaxation CD.
5) Treat yourself as if you were your best friend. Listen to what you would say to yourself if you were talking to your best friend about your situation.

All this will help you avoid the highs and lows of sugar peaks and help you get much better sleep, which is absolutely essential for well-being.

If you want more help, then come along to one of my talk demo's on EMDR, attend my relaxation workshop or book in for a 30 min free taster session, to find out how I could help you.

You can watch this video of how EMDR works.